In the In-between

The part no one talks about: starting over in your mid-thirties

From back to back job interviews in the chaos of moving boxes, to “I’m breaking all your umbrellas” New York City rainstorms and -20 feels, the past few months have been a lot. I’ve been MIA. Some might say, doing the most.

It’s not every day that I come here to write about my life, but here we are because it’s real, and it’s me. After all, you are following a person, not a robot that just skips through all the hard parts.

Caring too much was never the problem

No one really talks about how hard it is to be in your mid-thirties and make so many life changes, career ones included. You’re no longer competing for entry-level jobs, but you now have anywhere between 13-15+ years of experience. It either feels too little, too much, or dare I say, a little “sus” to hiring managers.

There are only so many places that can be your next “home away from home.” Maybe I drink the kool-aid or maybe I just take my work too seriously. Candidly, my work isn’t my identity but I am passionate about what I do. I don’t see it as just a job, but where we tune into the energy of others and effort towards a collective objective. That requires alignment on so many levels.

It doesn’t help that I usually give my 110%, and then some. I’ve heard, “Sholeh cares a lot,” often. I’m still learning, is that for better or worse? When I stepped away from the job we moved across the country for, it was a lot to digest. Not only because I saw myself there for the long haul, built incredible relationships and delivered on major milestones. But because I did care deeply.

I’m proud of everything I accomplished in that short but mighty chapter. Still, I wanted badly to understand, why was this not in alignment with my highest good? My mind shifted to searching for answers. See, for me, everything has a deeper meaning. Just as movies have clues in the most subtle ways, life does too. And so the lessons have been revealing themselves.

The other shoe

Yet, here I was, just learning we had to find a new apartment, a chapter of my career coming to a close, and three trips coming up. I had saved my vacation days until after my major initiatives were delivered… of course.

Despair? Not the right word. Shock, anger, sadness, nausea, heartbreak, and disappointment. I felt so sick. What I have learned is my worth. I chose to walk away with my head held high and dignity intact.

When the fog clears

And still, even trusting the process as deeply as I do, it was a tough pill to swallow. “Onwards and upwards,” we say, but when you’re in the unknown it is only human to question.

A lesson I learned while living in California was that our gratitude matters most not when everything is PERFECT, but when you’re in the process, the transition, or on your way, becoming.

And prayer? That’s for when things are going well, when everything is exactly as you had dreamt, pray for the strength to stay in alignment with those blessings, instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop. In hardship, giving thanks for what we already have aligns us with the energy of receiving more of what we appreciate. I truly believe this wholeheartedly.

After all, life has shown me again and again that when the fog clears and a path reappears, it never disappoints. It’s brought me here where I would dare say that even unemployed, I am 10 levels beyond content and grateful. Looking back, everything has made sense... eventually.

So I started over. Resume, applications, apartment viewings, a wedding, a Europe trip, a move, and the holidays— all at once. Then there was the heartbreaking reality of the revolution in my homeland, Iranians rising up against 47 years of oppression. Civilians with bare hands against gunfires by their own government. Holding back tears and bursting into tears for families I’ve never known, all on my bday weekend. Two stark realities playing in front of my eyes at once. I am free now but I could have been there. My family is.

This one lesson has become very clear: life never slows down when our emotional and spiritual selves are hit hard.

It’s how we weather through it all that determines how strong we are, right? I beg to differ.

It’s our true self showing up with presence and awareness to meet each minute, not how “gracefully” we met those minutes, that is the ultimate measure of success in my book. Being here with it, accepting it. In tears or stern. Being here.

It’s remembering that we don’t have all the answers to the why and the what’s next. It’s allowing all that to be and actually being okay with it.

The point of life is experiencing it, not predicting it.

So while I’m in this season of life transitioning and transforming, I’ve been cooking a lot of cozy meals. I believe our energy is deeply impacted by how we choose to nourish this beautiful vessel that we are gifted with. I hope to share some easy, cozy ways to return home to yourself, on the daily.

I’ve been experimenting with some “made-up” recipes and inspirations lately that feel like a hug in a bowl. Would you care if I start sharing those here? Let me know in the comments.

Sending you love, Sholeh xx