Love is the reminder
Fear is of separation. Love is of unity. A takeaway from Becoming Nobody by Ram Dass.
I’ve been listening to Becoming Nobody by Ram Dass, and in it, he offers what I think is one of the most clarifying things I’ve ever heard about the human experience. Something we cycle through not just over the course of life, but in a single day. And to distinguish it so clearly and simply.
Fear is of separation. Love is of unity.
That’s it.
Every fear I’ve ever felt— of being rejected, of being left, of imposter syndrome, of not being enough, underneath it was the same thing: the worry of being alone in it. Of being cut off. Separate. A singular thing, floating untethered in a universe that doesn’t see you. (which truly couldn’t be any further from the truth.)
And every moment I’ve felt love— pure love, the kind that fills a room or quiets an anxious mind, it was the opposite. A feeling of connection, of belonging to something. Of walls coming down. Of you and me becoming, briefly, us.
Ram Dass teaches through the lens of Hindu philosophy and his own profound experiences: the idea that the ego, the separate self we spend so much energy constructing and protecting, is the very thing that generates fear. Because the ego, by definition, is isolated. It is the part of us that believes we are only this body, this story, this life. And that belief is terrifying.
And that’s where love enters and dissolves those boundaries. Love brings down those walls. Even if it’s just for a moment. It’s powerful. It’s why we feel it with strangers sometimes. A glance on the subway, a hand when we drop something, sharing a funny moment. In those moments, the wall between us thins.
This made me think about all the times I’ve reacted from fear. Whether it is in relationships, at crossroads of career choices, in conversations where I was protecting that boundary. Defending the separateness. Don’t share too much. Don’t ask for too much. Don’t let them too close. Fear builds walls because walls feel like safety when you believe you’re alone.
And the times I’ve acted from love, and not performatively but truly, I was letting the boundary go. Choosing connection over self-protection. Think about who you show love to the most freely, that’s likely where you’re safest. The easiest example that comes to mind is your baby, maybe a niece, nephew, or neighbors pet. You trust in the safety of the connection and the boundary falls, love enters. and you trust wholeheartedly that you aren’t alone.
A big question the books I read tend to tug at over and over again, is “who is the one who is afraid? “ Because the self that fears separation is the constructed self, the ego or what Eckhart Tolle calls the pain body. Not the deeper thing underneath. Your presence, your true self, the you that chose this body as a vessel to experience life. And what I appreciate about Ram Das as he phrases deep spiritual concepts ever so lightly, the invitation isn’t to become fearless. It’s to become nobody. To loosen your grip on the separate self that distinguishes between you and me just enough to remember that you were never as alone as you thought.
I don’t think this means fear disappears. I still feel it. But I’ve started noticing it differently. When I’m anxious or contracted or pulling away, I ask: where am I feeling separate right now?
Fear is a signal that says, you’ve forgotten you’re connected.
And love is the reminder.
Sending you love, and a warm Sunday hug ☕
I’d love to know if this lands for you. Reply or leave a comment below.